Artist
- Canada
- Deviant for 17 years
- She / Her
Badges
My Bio
Current Residence: University of Guelph
Personal Quote: Just because I am, doesn't mean I can't.
Personal Quote: Just because I am, doesn't mean I can't.
Favourite Movies
Princess Bride
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Queen, BnL
Favourite Writers
Neil Gaiman
Tools of the Trade
Words and Emotions
Other Interests
Creating, Discovering, Playing
Profile Comments 2
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hope you don't mind, but I showed your work to Arcahan. he wasn't up to getting a DA account of his own, so he asked me to forward the following commentary to you
[---]
Walking up to a great goddess in the guise of a beggar is just the sort of thing that myths are made of, so she nails the atmosphere down nicely. The names and their explanations seem pretty exotic and inventive, too. I also noticed that Gods and Goddesses that have been introduced so far are pretty unusual. Most pantheons have divinities that are important to people on earthly level – the god of death, the god of war and the goddess of love (or more precisely, sex), to name a few. However, this pantheon seems to focus more around thought, knowledge and internal mastery of the body. This is a refreshing change and really suits the setting, since oriental divinity is often all about meditation and enlightenment… Assuming, of course, that the gods have some time to spare from their usual divine antics of wooing beautiful women and breaking each others' divine instruments and some such. After all, being a god is all about doing whatever you want without a fear of consequences… at least assuming that you do not step onto the toes of a greater divinity while at it.
Constructive criticism… Hm. I'd suggest being careful with names and titles, especially with long and exotic ones. Esoteric terms are cool, but putting too many of them together is going to lessen the impact and confuse the reader. Most people read novels in order to enjoy stories, not to learn new languages. When you use an exotic term in a story, either explain it somehow at some point, or try to put it into a context where its meaning can be roughly guessed. Another good point to remember is to avoid introducing too many names at once. Names without context usually do not mean anything to the reader – just like in real life, we need time to memorize the name and associate it with the correct face. If you do need to introduce all the major gods in the Prologue, perhaps you could also have Lishishu sneak in some sobriquets or other little tidbits of information for the reader to remember his good friends by? "To this day, I can come up with no explanation than Shoukisan for what Baochuwin finally did. We gods are a cunning lot, but only a goddess of dreams could hope to dream up such a mad scheme."
All in all, though, it looks like a colourful start. It looks like gods are taking a rather active role in this story, which ought to bring us lots of fun. ^_^ Good luck, Bethany!
[---]
[---]
Walking up to a great goddess in the guise of a beggar is just the sort of thing that myths are made of, so she nails the atmosphere down nicely. The names and their explanations seem pretty exotic and inventive, too. I also noticed that Gods and Goddesses that have been introduced so far are pretty unusual. Most pantheons have divinities that are important to people on earthly level – the god of death, the god of war and the goddess of love (or more precisely, sex), to name a few. However, this pantheon seems to focus more around thought, knowledge and internal mastery of the body. This is a refreshing change and really suits the setting, since oriental divinity is often all about meditation and enlightenment… Assuming, of course, that the gods have some time to spare from their usual divine antics of wooing beautiful women and breaking each others' divine instruments and some such. After all, being a god is all about doing whatever you want without a fear of consequences… at least assuming that you do not step onto the toes of a greater divinity while at it.
Constructive criticism… Hm. I'd suggest being careful with names and titles, especially with long and exotic ones. Esoteric terms are cool, but putting too many of them together is going to lessen the impact and confuse the reader. Most people read novels in order to enjoy stories, not to learn new languages. When you use an exotic term in a story, either explain it somehow at some point, or try to put it into a context where its meaning can be roughly guessed. Another good point to remember is to avoid introducing too many names at once. Names without context usually do not mean anything to the reader – just like in real life, we need time to memorize the name and associate it with the correct face. If you do need to introduce all the major gods in the Prologue, perhaps you could also have Lishishu sneak in some sobriquets or other little tidbits of information for the reader to remember his good friends by? "To this day, I can come up with no explanation than Shoukisan for what Baochuwin finally did. We gods are a cunning lot, but only a goddess of dreams could hope to dream up such a mad scheme."
All in all, though, it looks like a colourful start. It looks like gods are taking a rather active role in this story, which ought to bring us lots of fun. ^_^ Good luck, Bethany!
[---]
Always looking forward to seeing your work. you deserve better recognition.
...permission to link to the old board? let any remaining old guard see your work?
...permission to link to the old board? let any remaining old guard see your work?